How to stop overthinking at work
As a women’s leadership coach, many of my clients are mid-level managers facing the dual challenges of leading a team and navigating their relationship with their boss. Sadly, many of us have experienced the stress of having a toxic boss, and many more know what it’s like to have mismatched leadership styles with a higher up or direct report. If you find yourself constantly second guessing your work, struggling to let go of projects and delegate, or having 24/7 “Sunday scaries” - this one’s for you!
While we can’t control our boss, our workplace culture, or the actions of our co-workers and external partners, we absolutely can cultivate self-reflection and inner intention. In my experience, only when we begin doing the scary things - taking risks at work, divulging vulnerably, or communicating our ideas directly - can we begin building self-trust. And only by trusting ourselves to have our own back can we get through the intensity of climbing the ranks towards our highest leadership goals!
You are a badass sacred leader - you don’t need to be held back by an unhealthy workplace culture or the unhealed emotional projections of your co-workers. There is a way to thrive in your organization or company while you grow your leadership skills, and it requires a lot of boundaries and intention. I highly recommend my Nourished Leaders program if you want to go deeper with any of these tips!
Get clear and intentional
Clarify your personal mission, vision, and values beyond your job - Why are you here? What do you wish for the world? What are your guiding values in life?
Check-in to make sure your current role, organization, and industry align with those intentions. If not, consider putting out feelers to make a lateral move to another organization, a vertical move to a new position within your organization, or an industry switch to a more aligned field.
Take a bird’s eye view of your overall career from the perspective of your future leader self. How does she present herself and move through the world? What matters most to her? What does she want you to know? Sit with her regularly to build neural pathways towards becoming her. Think: What would future leader me do in this situation?
Get clear on what you want from each role and project. Especially if you struggle with perfectionism, set SMART goals for yourself around each deliverable, so you know when it’s time to let go and confidently move on to the next thing.
Find expanders in your organization, field, or in general who represent the kind of leader you want to be. Make a list of the qualities you want to embody and brainstorm ways you can practice them in your daily life.
Communicate directly and professionally, with compassion
Take sacred pauses before responding to feel in your body what is most true.
Hear it in your head before you speak: Is this decisive or am I leaving an opening for others to change my meaning? If your words go up at the end, work to end on a lower note and really punctuate what you’re saying.
Find an in-road of empathy when negotiating: what is it like for this other person? Once you are grounded in a power pose or supportive self-touch, you can really anchor in and offer this human compassion to another being in a totally authentic way that doesn’t compromise your wellbeing.
If writing, use the manual On Writing Well to ensure efficient and effective word-smithing.
Read The Four Agreements and practice them daily: Be impeccable with your word, Do not take anything personally, Do not make assumptions, and Always do your best.
Manage up by bringing intention to your relationship with your boss. Have empathy (as long as they’re not abusive), make their life a bit easier (thereby making yours easier in the process), and highlight your strengths and contributions to position yourself for the next level.
Call in the exact support you need
Find a trustworthy work confidante you can really open up to and be vulnerable.
Form a mastermind with folks inside your industry, but outside of your organization.
Get mentored by someone within your industry but not in your organization, and by someone from within your organization. 1 external and 1 internal for both perspectives.
Network intentionally - sit in a meditation before any event and visualize the exact relationships and opportunities you’re calling in.
Work with a leadership coach - yes, this is a shameless plug for my services! But even if I’m not your coach, find one. It is absolutely critical for cultivating these skills, getting space held for your emotional process, and celebrating your progress along the way.
Draw healthy boundaries and stick to them
Check-in with your capacity first before taking on extra work. If you manage a team, normalize checking in with capacity before delegating. Normalize conversations about time, energy, and balance throughout projects, regularly.
Even if you work from home, create regular weekly check-ins with yourself around your goals, progress, and challenges. I love a Monday morning solo meeting to plan and a Friday afternoon meeting to reflect.
Create structures and weekly flows that support your ebbing and flowing energy. Make rituals out of the tasks you most avoid.
Cultivate the life-long practices of self-care and personal development
Start mentoring the next generation. It is a fantastic way to give back, but also to reflect on how far you’ve come on your own journey. And it’s a way to crystalize and alchemize your leadership journey for managing up conversations with your boss (or in case Oprah calls!).
Trust yourself, and build an arsenal of evidence that you can be trusted. This requires taking risks and observing that the world won’t spin off its axis.
Take care of your inner child and your nervous system when you become triggered at work. Bring in somatic tools, mindfulness, and regular breaks.
Consistently build healthy boundaries, take sacred pauses, and practice saying no. Know that the sky won’t fall, and you’re actually modeling courageous leadership and giving others permission to do the same.
When fear grips you, allow yourself to sit with the worst case scenario and reverse engineer a plan that shows you that - no matter what - you’ve got your own back.
Build a strong foundation outside of work - healthy relationships, feel-good friendships, creative outlets that have nothing to do with work for the right balance of rest and play. At the end of the day, your job is your job. Yes, it can bring a lot of personal fulfillment in addition to financial security, but it does not define you. If your job vanished tomorrow, what would you have to catch you?
If you’re overthinking about work, even when not in the office, you’re not alone! Studies show that 75% of Americans are plagued by the “Sunday Scaries” - the anticipatory dread at the start of the week caused by work stress. And one-third of us lose sleep over work anxiety.
I’m on a mission to help women take back control of their mental and emotional health through cultivating self-leadership. Through setting boundaries, crafting intentions, communicating clearly, and calling in support, you can finally stop overthinking at work. Let me know how it goes and how I can support you on your journey!