Decolonizing and Revillaging Thanksgiving
How do you feel about Thanksgiving and how does your family handle it each year?
If you’re like many American families, yours completely skirt the Native American genocide, numbs out with booze and football, and likely reinforces gender stereotypes that women should be in the kitchen producing Martha Stewart level feats.
If you grew up watching this unfold, you may have written off the holiday altogether. Or maybe you’re struggling to integrate your disgust with certain traditions with your deep human need for belonging and connection.
What follows are some ideas for reweaving truth, meaning, and connection into your Thanksgiving holiday and reclaiming it as a day of authentic revillaging. As always, take what works for you, add to it as needed, and leave the rest.
This is about you stepping into your courageous sovereignty as a spiritual leader in your family. Whether you have children or not, you have a voice and something to contribute. Whether you’re the host or not, you have a part to play and can add your ideas. And if your family just isn’t down to try it - that’s what Friendsgiving is for!
Acknowledge the genocidal origins of Thanksgiving. Protest the ongoing genocides and continuing colonial wars around the world. Follow indigenous people’s lead and amplify their stories.
As I write this in 2023, there is a genocide happening in Gaza that is funded in part by US taxpayers. We can’t look away or disconnect this from the genocidal history of Thanksgiving. Take action - talk to your family members about what they can do, protest, call your representatives, and give to humanitarian relief funds.
We cannot celebrate Thanksgiving - a national day of mourning for indigenous people - without acknowledging its genocidal origins. Learn the history and discover modern indigenous storytellers and activists. I recently finished reading The Seed Keeper, and highly recommend it. Some social media accounts to follow include Illuminative, Indigenous People’s Foundation, Asha Frost, and Lyla June. Consider paying Native Land Tax to contribute to reparations for your local native councils as they continue to heal and rebuild from settler genocide.
Acknowledge if you are a white settler living on stolen lands. Commit to the work of healing ancestral trauma, living a life in repair, and decolonizing your mindset from here on out.
Rebrand your gathering as a Harvest Dinner, rooted in pre-Christian sacred feminine traditions that honored the land around the fall equinox.
Discover the ways your ancestral peoples honored the land around the time of the harvest. From the BBC on the harvest festival of the British Isle: “Although today we can plan a fixed day for this celebration, in the past the harvest festival differed, based on when all the crops had been brought in. The whole community, including children, needed to help right up until the end, as lives depended on the success of the harvest. In the past they would be held as soon as the harvest had been completed and the final cartload triumphantly returned to the farm where the Harvest Supper, also known as the ‘Harvest Home’, would take place.”
If it resonates, study the Roman goddess Ceres, Greek goddess Demeter and the story of Persephone and the underworld. Understand the symbolism of returning the seeds to the earth as an offering back to the land in gratitude for the harvest. Understand the deep entwinement of your very life with hers - meditate on just how deeply connected your ancestors felt this truth.
Make a corn dolly or two to represent the goddess. Corn dollies were found across ancient Greece and Egypt, in many European and African cultures (source). Kids will love getting involved in this activity! This is a way to really connect directly with harvested grains and the animism they hold. You can burn them in the fire at the end of the night or save them through to Imbolc to represent the goddess Brigid. You can also plant a few kernels of corn to signify an exchange with the land.
Share in a group walk after dinner, pointing out natural signs of fall, connecting them to how the dark half of the year is a gift to go inward and rest. Not only a great way to help everyone digest and be in their bodies, but it’s also an opportunity to weave a greater web of connection with the natural world. Just as the energy of the plants is going down into the roots, so too do we need to allow our energy to go into the underworld, the womb space of feminine regeneration for rest, healing, and dreaming this time of year. Without winter, we would have no summer. Without night, we would have no day. Without rest, we would have no energy. This is truly a time to honor balance, and in an unbalanced patriarchal society, leaning into the sacred feminine is a beautiful way to restore it.
Invite everyone to share to make this a truly collective, cooperative day.
It can be awkward to set up rules around a gathering, to set the tone, and to ask for help. Let’s take a bit of advice from Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, and not be a chill host! By taking the reins of any gathering with loving intention, we are giving our guests a massive gift - the opportunity to experience a different world, to learn more about themselves, and feel a deeper sense of belonging in the process. Do some shadow work around your own discomfort in asking people to contribute and to take part in your intentional rituals for the day.
Ask that everyone contribute something - a dish to share, a song or poem, a conversation topic - to make it an equal effort among those gathered. This is an opportunity to radically de-gender your gathering. If the women always cooked and the men always watched football, say no more! Give everyone a task to help with the preparation - honestly a big part of the fun. Delegate so no one is left out. We all want to feel needed, useful, and that we are contributing to our communities. This is a gift you give everyone who attends. If they aren’t able to bring a dish or help with preparations, ask them to bring a song, poem, or conversation topic to share after dinner.
Ask everyone to bring an altar item representing their “bounty” from the past year to place on a shared altar. This can anchor a “show and tell” style gratitude ceremony during or after dinner, and gives guests a precursor to start thinking about their gratitude well in advance.
Between courses, have a few people share their gratitude and item until everyone has gone by the end of the meal. You could also do this in a big ceremony around the bonfire after dinner. It can be fun to make everyone take a shot if someone says “family” or “God” - not to ban it altogether but to help people be more creative with their answers!
Kick-off the big meal with ceremony and intention.
Have a short grounding ritual before the meal with embodiment practices. I highly recommend guiding your guests in a body scan, light tapping, shaking, and fascia scrubbing and holding. If any of that feels too woo woo for your crowd, simply teach them about holding their fingers and breathing in and out slowly with each one.
Lead a land acknowledgement ceremony before the meal. Learn whose lands you occupy, craft your statement, and consider making a ceremonial offering such as part of the meal to be shared outside for the animals of the land. Have a moment of silence for the way the land was stolen and for all genocides occuring now. Use this opportunity to acknowledge it all while you have everyone’s attention.
Light 3 candles before the meal: one for the indigenous keepers of the land, one for your ancestors, and one for mama earth. If it feels good, set a seat at the table for your ancestors to join you. You can place pictures of them or flowers to represent their spirit. You can serve a little bit of food for them as well and tell stories about them as you eat.
After dinner, keep the ritual, intention, and community connection going strong.
After your post-dinner nature walk, have a bonfire allowing people to write on strips of paper and burn what they are releasing in order to make room for more bounty. They can share in circle or not as you drum or play music.
Sing and dance, make an authentic connection with each one gathered, embodying your gratitude fully. Allow space for those who feel introverted or quiet to be just as they are, don’t force anyone into anything, make it all a gentle invitation extended in love.
It can be quite shocking for the nervous system to begin to open to these new ways of connecting and relating to others - especially family members you’ve known for decades but have never really known on this level. Go easy on yourself, and remember: you can always try one of these new traditions this year and add on from there in the future!
Did you try anything from this list? Let us know in the comments!
Happy Decolonizing and Revillaging!